How Divorced Parents Make Healthy Decisions About Children During Covid
By Laura Renfro, LMFT
Let’s talk about how you and your former spouse, the only other parent of your children, can make healthy decisions about how to proceed with making mutual decisions regarding next steps for your children during Covid 19. As of the writing of this article, Connecticut’s Gov. Ned Lamont has authorized the opening of schools for the fall 2020. The American Academy of Pediatrics has also recommended opening schools.
Regardless of those segments, you might have strong positive and negative feelings or otherwise conflicting feelings about reopening schools. I suspect your former spouse has conflicting feelings as well. Naturally, you both want to protect your children from any harm.
What happens if you disagree? How can you come to an agreement? How can you ease your worries and those of your children?
- Start with a healthy and productive dialogue. Consider using video features so you can see one another if you aren’t seeing each other in person.
- It is best to begin with how you feel about the idea. Use “I statements” and take time to truly consider why you believe what you believe is best for your kids.
- Use good listening skills to hear your former spouse’s opinions and thoughts.
- Next, move onto the facts. What is your specific school district planning? And within that context, specifically your child’s elementary, middle or high school doing to ensure the safety of your children?
- Continue your dialogue. Keep the conversation open and productive. This is the hard part: keep your old feelings about the divorce out of these conversations. This is about your kids, not about your relationship — except as parents to your kids.
- If you need a third party to help with this difficult conversation, reach out to a family therapist or a mental health professional who can provide co-parent counseling and help you reach an agreement.
YOU are the best people to make a plan for your kids. YOU are the people who can reach agreements and plan for your kids now, 6 months from now, and 6 years from now. YOU’VE got this!
Laura Renfro, LMFT
